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The controversy around Amy Chua's book is still raging on... Well, sure, it is just a book, but it did cause a huge debate in the American society... And I think this debate is universal.

The case: Are Chinese mothers superior to American ones, and in what way?

And still more and more opinions on the matter.

Despite her attempts to defend herself and explain that she is in fact not preaching to the American parents how they should raise their kids, and arguing that she only shared her personal experience, and especially the way she initially thought she should maintain a strict discipline with her kids as it was the way she was raised by her parents (first-generation Chinese immigrants), but was then humbled by her daughters' rebellion, the debate continues with increasing intensity.

So what are your thoughts on all that? Are her methods viable, do they work, and how applicable are they in society?

Obviously this book, this question, had touched a cord in many people, because I have seen some extreme and very vicious comments addressed at the author in the last several days. Some examples of different points of view:

1. "BLEEP you, you BLEEPing BLEEP! Your children are not a route to the success you never had!!!1!!!1"

The original remark sounds extremely rude, but is a good point nevertheless, worth pondering about. Apparently this also applies for the things they weren't allowed to do, though holding children to certain standards of achievement is commendable (though not to that degree I suppose).

2. "It's a bit hit or miss. If the kids can't take the pressure, they snap, if they can, they just resent it. Either way, emotional abuse on that level isn't healthy."

Correct...I think. Too harsh parental methods in childhood could lead to harmful consequences at an adult age, especially regarding the emotional balance of the person. Too strict parents could cause dangerous disorders, phobia and panic attacks, a sense of constant fear and anxiety. Some of those problems could manifest at a later age and could have dire consequences for the individual if the parents overstep it.

3. "Parents like her should be charged with abuse, or something damn near it, and should have their kids taken away from them. They're unfit."

That is, in case you assume that people should be mandated a way how to raise their children, which is yet another very sensitive topic.

4. "Until a child has reached the age of maturity, their duty is to complete their education and to obey the rules set by their parents."

In more detail, this point of view argues that children for some odd reason believe that their opinion actually matters, but in reality until they are economically independent and hold some modicum of education, their opinion is unimportant, and their parents have the right to raise them as they see fit. That being said, if the children are so dissatisfied with the rule of their parents, they may apply for emancipation, but the slippery slope of allowing delinquent juveniles the right to premature independence is that they may become a burden on the welfare system. That, said from a strictly pragmatic social point of view.

5. "This is bull crap. The Chinese and Western cultures are dramatically different in general."

The cultural differences are obvious. Many people who migrate to the developed countries are barely making ends meet, and they expect their children to achieve something more than they did. In a way, they have sacrificed their lives for their kids, and they invest all their hopes and efforts into the kid's upbringing. So they expect nothing but the best achievements from the kid, hence the "always A score" demand from this mother. The expectations on the second-generation immigrant kids are very high, sometimes hard to handle. And then there is the stereotype that Asians are somehow supposed to perform better in school.

...The list of different points of view could go on forever. In any case, by seeing the reactions to this simple book, I became convinced about one thing. Mothers can be truly awful to other mothers. By the way I am amazed by the vitriol that can be spewed over issues like breast-feeding, circumcision, attachment parenting, co-sleeping, vaccinations, etc. Mothers howling at one another about how "UR DOIN IT RONG!". Add culture into the mix and it is still just the same mind-boggling nonsense.

Personally, I do not take issue with a parent going to great lengths to encourage (not pressure!) their children to excel, but I find the idea that they cannot decide what extracurricular activities they can do, or what musical instruments they are allowed to learn to be a little distasteful. And I mean extracurricular activities perhaps at a young age, but when the kids are older, they should be allowed to pick based on what they like best. Same with musical instruments, unless it is vuvuzela! =)

I play the harp. My mother played the harp and I thought it was interesting. So she taught me to play the harp at a very early age. Not because she wanted me to become the greatest harpist in the world, but because it felt good to play together and share the pleasure... Well, she left this world too early for me to enjoy it long enough with her, but... my love for the harp remains. Not because anyone pressured me to play. I think this is the better way.

I am also a little bit concerned about whether the apparent lack of social interaction is good for a child. I went to school with a girl who was exceptionally focused on academic achievement in order to achieve her dream of becoming a doctor (no doubt under the influence of her parents, who were both doctors), to the extent that she had pretty much no interest in socialising. She ended up getting perfect exam results... and was promptly rejected by every medical school she applied to, because she was unable to demonstrate the social skills needed to become a doctor in that particular field that she had chosen (research).

Admittedly, I have not read the book yet so I cannot say that this situation is identical but the whole "no sleepovers / no playdates" thing combined with the parents choosing of extracurricular activities makes me worried that they might have little social interaction.

And then, there is this one last argument:

6. "It's their business; unless you are a developmental psychologist who may find it of academic interest - I don't see why it should be any one else's concern."

So which of these, or some other point of view on the matter, is the closest to you?

Cross posted: